Conflicting Emotions
by nickersoncrazy
Summary: Ned gives up in the fight against Sasha Petrov, and leaves Nancy. Forever. Oneshot. Spoilers contained.


What do I say..? Well, this is the kind of story I would have loved to read, but I never expected to actually write something like this. Please don't read if you don't like sad stories. This_ is_ kind of depressing. ( 'kind of' probably is a understatement ). :'( :'(

Oh, and don't read if you don't believe in God, as I'm not exactly fond of reading atheistic reviews, considering that the last part of the story concerns religion. And this story pretty much spoils Files#50 - Deep Secrets.

Well, happy reading ( I hope ). PLEASE just read now...

* * *

Nancy tossed and turned, unable to fall asleep in spite of her desperate attempt. Her mind was helplessly spinning with completely eclipsing emotions. 

_Confusion, love, guilt…_

She had a choice to make – a difficult one. She was placed at the vertex of a love triangle, with two guys fighting it out to win her heart. Two wonderful guys that were willing to give it all just to be with her. One would eventually get hurt – and Nancy had to choose who that person would be.

She buried her face into her pillow, just wanting to get into dreamland and out of reality. She closed her eyes, and immediately saw both faces in front of her.

One belonged to a guy she had met recently while on her visit to Hampton, and the other to someone she knew very well.

Nancy threw back the covers and sat up in bed. This whole love dilemma was driving her insane. She knew she wouldn't be able to take it for long – she had to decide soon.

The problem was that she couldn't. No matter how much she wanted to, she simply couldn't.

She glanced at the alarm on the nightstand. _1:30 a.m_., it read.

She didn't want to hurt either of them, but she knew she would have to. Someone was going to be heartbroken, and that particular someone was left up to her to decide. The answer, she knew, was somewhere in her heart. All she had to do was find it.

_Sasha Petrov._

Nancy had to admit that she had fallen for him. There was no way she could deny the mutual attraction. He was a Russian ballet dancer that had recently admitted his love for her. But Nancy didn't know how true it was. He was a very nice guy and Nancy knew that she liked him…but love…?

She had felt her conscience prick whenever they had shared those few passionate kisses. Now he was waiting – waiting for her answer – waiting for her to reciprocate his feelings.

_Ned Nickerson._

He had arrived just a day ago in Hampton, completely unaware that his girlfriend had been involved with someone else. All that he had wanted to do was twirl her around in his arms and tell her how much he loved her. Just to tell her how crazy he was about her. But what he had met with was completely unexpected. Once again, he had felt that familiar stab of pain strike his heart. Nancy had, once again, been unfaithful.

Nancy pushed back a tendril of her disheveled hair, surprised to find herself on the verge of tears. Her eyes lovingly gazed at the picture of Ned that stood on her desk. He looked so…happy. She wanted to always see him like that. But she was killing him – she knew – she was killing him slowly.

Her boyfriend ever since high school, she knew that she cared for him. Unlike in the case of Sasha, she knew that Ned's love for her was true. And the last thing she wanted was to hurt him. She had done enough of that already.

She cried softly for the next few minutes, trying desperately to stop the war of emotions going on inside her mind. She didn't know what to do; she had absolutely no idea.

She got up from bed and walked over to the window in her room, and saw the waves gently crashing on the shore of the beach. Everything looked so calm, so peaceful. It was just what she needed. She got dressed as soon as she could and ran down the stairs of her aunt Eloise's house where she, Bess, George and Ned were staying. She didn't want to wake anyone up.

Once outside, she felt as if somehow, all her troubles had been lifted off her shoulders. For the time being, anyway.

She walked along the water's edge; the cold night breeze ruffling her hair. She smiled as she thought of all the times she had waked on a moonlit beach with Ned. It had all been so romantic…

Her thoughts immediately switched over to Sasha. She thought if all the times they had been out on the beach together. All those thoughts brought back nothing but guilt. Sighing to herself, she walked on.

_Why does life have to get so complicated?_ she asked herself. One thing was for certain. Her love life wasn't a bed of roses.

Ned and Sasha had both agreed to wait. But they were not going to wait forever, though.

As she walked on, she noticed that someone else was on the beach. Straining her eyes in the dark, she was that it was Ned. Her heart almost broke when she saw how lonely and hurt he looked.

With her hear contracting with pity, she silently walked over to him and sat down beside him. He turned to look at her and the pure pain in his eyes caused her heart to ache, and a tear slid down her cheek.

"Ned," she choked out softly and touched his arm.

She just could not hold back the tears that threatened to spill. Gently cupping his chin, she turned his face toward hers. "Please say something," she whispered.

Her heart broke further when he didn't reply. She swallowed hard and looked down, noticing that he was holding something in his hand.

"What's that?" she asked.

Ned swallowed hard and hid the object he was holding behind his back. Nancy had managed to get a glimpse of it, though. He had been holding a photograph. A photograph of her. Nancy was touched. She was touched to know that he still loved her so much.

"Oh Ned," she whispered and threw herself into his arms. She didn't want to stay apart from him for a single second. "Ned," she whispered again, her voice trembling with emotion. She buried her face into his chest, and began to cry harder. "I love you so much."

Her heart soared as she felt him bury his fingers in her hair after an initial flinch. Wrapping his arms around her, her whispered, "but you still have to choose." His voice broke slightly as he spoke. "You're not sure if you truly love me or not." He pushed her away gently, and brushed aside a tear on her cheek.

Nancy shook her head emphatically. "No, it's not that," she insisted. "I just don't want you to get hurt – but I don't want Sasha to get hurt, either – but I don't – I don't know what I want anymore."

Ned pulled her into a warm, loving embrace. " I can imagine what you're feeling," he whispered into her hair. " And the last thing I want is for you to go through something as painful as this." He gazed deep into her eyes and cupped her chin with his hand. "I love you. I always have and I always will." He tenderly cradled her in his arms for the next few minutes in silence. He then took a deep breath and said, "I'm going to make things easier for you, Nan."

"What do you mean?"

"I've – I've got an early flight to catch tomorrow," he explained, unable to look into her eyes. "I mean, today. I've decided to leave you with Sasha and go back home." He laced his fingers through hers and squeezed gently. His heart breaking, he whispered, "I've given up on us, Nan."

Nancy gasped softly. "Ned," she choked. His heart ached at the hurt in her eyes. "Ned, no – you can't – please," she begged. "How could you? Don't you know that I love you?"

Ned looked at the sparkling water in front of him. "We wouldn't be having this conversation if you loved me."

"Please, Ned. You can't just walk out of my life. I – I haven't decided that I want Sasha."

"That is not the point, Nancy," he burst out angrily. "The point is that, once again, you've hurt me. You fell for someone else. Did you even bother to think of how I'd feel if I'd found out?"

"I didn't think you'd find out," she admitted softly.

Ned began to fume. "Oh, so you were going to keep this from me? How many times have you done that before? How many other relationships have you kept a secret?"

Nancy sighed, exhausted. "Please, Ned," she said, wearily. "I don't want to fight with you."

Ned looked at her. "I don't want to fight with you, either," he admitted softly.

Nancy moved closer and nestled into his side. "Please don't go, Ned," she whispered into his chest. "If you love me, don't go."

"Oh, Nan." Ned pulled her deeper into his arms. "I'm - I'm doing this because I love you. And as much as I do, I don't really think we are meant for each other. Knowing that really hurts, but it's the truth." He took a deep breath and continued. "I just don't want either of us to get hurt anymore." His eyes moistened slightly. Leaning in, he kissed her gently on the forehead, and walked away.

--

Ned rubbed Nancy's back comfortingly. She had insisted on going to the airport with him and had been constantly sobbing ever since. Need knew that he was hurting her very badly, but he was doing it for their own sakes. He knew that she would be upset for a few days, but he was almost certain that it wouldn't affect her that much. He loved her, but just couldn't be with her knowing that she didn't want to have any exclusive relationships. she'd probably erase him from her memory, but her would be hurt...for life.

"Don't leave," she sobbed for what seemed to be the millionth time.

Ned sighed, and kissed her gently on the cheek, in desperate attempt to make her feel better. He closed his eyes and rested his cheek on top of her head. he was going to miss her so much.

Just then an announcement came on over the intercom, requesting all passengers to board their respective planes – the moment they had both been dreading.

"So is this it?" Nancy asked, her voice trembling. "Is this where you just walk away from me?" She nodded toward the entrance of the domestic airport. "Killing me in the process?"

Ned drew her into his arms and hugged her hard. "It's not easy for me, either," he whispered huskily.

Nancy smiled sadly at him."Everything seems so clear now." A tear rolled down her cheek. "I don't want Sasha. I want you – just you. It hurts to think that I have a life ahead of me that you don't want to part of. You're the only one I ever loved."

Ned bent down and kissed her hard and passionate. When he pulled back, the afflict in his eyes broke her heart. "You'll find someone else," he whispered.

A few kisses and tears later, he left.

--

Nancy lay down on the couch, and absently stared at the television screen in the dark. It was over. Everything was over. She had made a huge mistake and blown it with the only boy she truly loved. Now she wouldn't have to make any choice. One guy had given up. So why wasn't she happy?

She knew the answer to that. she might have caused Ned a lot of pain during the period of their relationship, but the heart of the matter remained that she could never be happy without him.

At that very moment, she made her decision, and was clear of what she wanted. She didn't want Sasha to be the guy to hold ad kiss her; she wanted Ned. It was too late to do anything about it, though.

She buried her face in the arm of the couch, and began to cry again. But those tears were just meaningless. They weren't going to change anything. She thought of all the times she had hurt Ned. She thought of all the times she had lied to him. She longed to feel his arms around her; she loved that feeling. He had always made her fell so loved that, all of a sudden, without him, she felt miserable.

She reached for the remote and began to blindly flip through channels. Anything to keep her occupied. But the exact opposite took place.

What she saw on television broke her heart; completely tore her apart.

It was breaking news on the channel. Literally breaking.

A plane had crashed.

Someone she loved was on that plane.

The airplane Ned was on had crashed, leaving almost everyone on board dead.

It hit her like a tonne of bricks. Like a chasm of deep-seated affliction that threatened to engulf her.

_The love of her life was dead._

He wasn't coming back. He was never coming back. She would never get a chance to apologize, to tell him how special he was to her.

Tears weren't enough. She couldn't cry. Tears were of sheer waste. She was never going to feel Ned wrap his arms around her. She was never going to feel him kiss her. And she was never, _ever _going to tell him that she loved him; that she needed him; that she couldn't live without him.

--

A week later, _she_ was on the news. Her death, rather.

Ned had died _with_ a broken heart; she had died _of _one.

She could not live without him; she could not stop thinking about him. Thinking about the tonne of ways she had hurt him; thinking about how much he had meant to her.

_He was gone; never coming back._

God had decided to take her away. He wanted to give them both what they deserved – to be together forever in Heaven. Her family and friends were upset about her death, but they knew one thing for certain. She was happy. She would watch over them; be their guardian angel. And they knew that Ned would be by her; through thick, through thin.

Her life might have seemed as dull and dark without Ned as a rainy day. But in the distance, there was a rainbow. A sign of hope. A silver lining.

And until today, they remain together, souls united, in love that would last an eternity...

* * *

...and _now _you can kill me. And if you want to tell me what a terrible, horrible Ned fan I am, or how much my stories suck, go right ahead. You probably won't have to lie that way. 


End file.
